But upon closer examination, I was perplexed and somewhat disturbed when I saw that there were two small dogs — not kids — inside the stroller, dressed in sporty T-shirts. This kind of pampering your pets as if they were children has become so bizarrely commonplace that I wasn’t all that shocked to read today that there are more American households with dogs than there are with children.
But when you think about it, it does seem more logical to own a dog rather than care for your own offspring. Here’s why:
1. You don’t have to pay for college: By the time your kids turn 18, they’ve bled you dry of your surplus emotions and money. And now you have to pay for them to go to some crappy university to just get wasted. But dogs? Well, they won’t even live to be 18.
2. You won’t have to spend every meal cutting crusts off sandwiches: Dogs will eat anything, including your old underwear and items you were planning to take to Goodwill. So that saves you a trip. But your kids will take pride in hating whatever it is you’re making that night.
3. Dogs will protect you from crazy people: Watching Cujo scared the shit out of me as a kid. But it also taught me a valuable lesson: Get. A. Dog. If anything, they will keep strangers off your property.
4. Kids will love you as long as you buy them crap: Your kids will like you, maybe even love you sometimes. Although you will only vaguely feel the love when you upgrade them to the XBOX 360 or a bike. With a dog, all you have to do is wake up in the morning and they fall in love with you all over again.
5. You don’t have to teach dogs how to catch a ball: Dogs come with innate skills kids just don’t have — and some never grasp no matter how much time you spend teaching them. All you want is a buddy who will eagerly catch every ball and Frisbee you toss for miles down the beach — without breaking into tears.
No comments:
Post a Comment